Well, I was hit with another reminder (I obviously need yet another) that indeed God is in control - NOT ME! My first day of schooling turned out to be a complete disaster - so bad that I had to surrender and laugh; or else I would cry. By the end of the week, I was just going with the flow and felt very thankful that I have a faithful God that proves to me that life does not fall apart without me :). What happened? I will tell you if you will keep in mind that I am making myself vulnerable by sharing my "inside voice". It sounds yucky and I am not proud of it but to God be the glory for continually making me new!
Well, first day started out just as I planned; the kids were up bright and early ready for our morning walk. After all the kids need to have a walk to bring oxygen to their brain to be ready for school. How smart of me to know this. We were on our way and I was VERY proud of myself for getting the kids out the door on time on the first day. Nice day, nice conversation, well behaved kids - good job I was doing. As we passed by the local public school yard, I prided myself on my decision to homeschool my kids. I was basking in the fact that I was going to be providing my children with an amazing day filled with laughter and learning when without warning, the feeling came on... Nausea. It came from my gut to my mouth. (If you are queasy, please bear with me, I will be quick.) And within seconds, it was coming out all over the ground right in front of the playground where all the children were playing and where parents dropped off their kids. My poor kids were asking me to please stop because people were looking. WHAT! STOP! I can't just stop! Then up came another mess.
When things subsided, I got up, held my head high, wiped my mouth on my nice shirt I wore that morning (because I also wanted to be the best-dressed homeschool mom out there) and told the kids to turn around and quickly and quietly walk back home.
I made it home without incident and was determined to continue on with my plans. As you probably guessed, my plans did not come to stand. Within minutes of sitting down to read the Bible together (because THAT is what a proper homeschool mom should do), it came again. Off to the washroom I ran.
At that point, I told the kids to try their Math on their own while I lied down for just a few minutes (because I was determined to complete my plans for the day). I was so proud when my kids could complete their first lesson without me - what a great teacher I must have been last year!
Then it was time to make that clay model of the earth's structure. That was a great idea I had and the kids were going to love it. As I called out the instructions from the couch, they listened so intently and began their masterpieces. While they were working away, I fell asleep and they continued to make and sculpt other things. That was all nice until one decided to smash the other’s and then there was revenge and then... tears and then... I woke up to the tears and torment and realized that my plans were officially destroyed.
Looking back, I wonder whether God was trying to "purge" my pride on the side of that playground by the school before the day even began. But I was too stubborn to listen. I was sick for 2 days and the rest of the week continued in the same pattern of me trying tirelessly to complete what I had written in my planner as God interjected little events and circumstances into my life that required me to be pulled from my plans. I was left overwhelmed and frustrated with God and the people around me for interfering with my plans.
It all started on Monday. It is now Thursday and I have surrendered to Jesus my pride in homeschooling. I have admitted that I left absolutely no room for God to work. (During a Bible reading one morning, I even told my kids to stop asking questions and making comments because we needed to get to the next project) I am wearing jeans and a t-shirt and no make-up. I am handing the day to God and letting him lead the conversations then allowing for changes in my plans when things go differently than I had imagined. My advice - mark your plans in pencil! The plans in my planner at this moment look nothing like they did on Monday and I am glad. That is evidence of God doing His thing despite me!
I have heard from a few of the families that I work with that you have had a hard time getting started this year; whether it’s because of the short summer, travelling, or getting used to online work, it seems to be a tough year. I would love to hear your stories! Would you be willing to be vulnerable at the sake of giving glory to God for the lessons you have learned in your trials of starting this year?
